Today was Mammogram Version 2.0 to check the area of thickening on one of my breasteseseseses.

During the experience I kept cracking jokes in my head about the machine that was squishing my right boo-bah. It’s called the, “Mammo-Mat.”

The tech was explaining why I was called back for another mammogram and even showed me the area of concern on her screen and all I kept picturing was a laundry mat where ladies can wash their bras.

I had my second squishie and the tech showed me the image and yup, sho’ nuf. It did not look good.The tech left the room to show the doc and all I kept thinking about were ladies with their hair in  huge rollers covered up with cherry patterned scarves as they washed their lacy bras at the Mammo-Mat.  Ladies in high heels with shorts, cigs dangling out of their mouths, tied at the waist sleeveless shirts covering pointy bras, leaning against the washers and dryers and gabbing about this or that at the Mammo-Mat.

The tech came back into the room, and spread her arms wide in a ta-da motion. “You’re fine! Everything is just fine! The change was probably due to your recent weight loss.”

Inside my head the ladies at the Mammo-Mat twirled their bras in the air in a joyful salute. A huge smile remained on my mouth the entire drive home.

We were invited to our first ever ugly Xmas sweater party. It was hosted by Devlin, whom was also a contestant (and home winner!) on the Subway Lose A Ton show. Devlin is one crazy Cajun and I couldn’t wait to see her in a party atmosphere. She did not disappoint.

Devlin began the party in an ugly sweater and her husband Jamie wore a vinyl track suit. Then Lara arrived. Lara was also on Lose A Ton with us.  Lara was wearing a sweater featuring a fox that hung to her crotchal area. Lara dubbed herself Foxy Crotch.  Then Lara and Devlin changed into their vinyl track suits, as did Lara’s husband. Perhaps they were representing 80 year old mall walkers at Xmas time?

So many one liners raced through my brain that I couldn’t open my mouth to say them. You see the pics. They speak for themselves.

I will soon be fight training 3x per week. Right now it’s just 2x per week and it really takes a toll on my body. Mixed Martial Arts is a young person’s sport. A young IN SHAPE person’s sport. I’m in the best shape of my life but it’s nowhere near what it needs to be to fight train. My hope is that fight training takes off the remaining 50lbs I have left to lose.

I relieve the pain by soaking in a hot bath after practice. I can get away with this because my three year old Almost Twins “help” me take a bath. They stand by the side of the tub and fill their Dora cups with bath water and pour it on me. Usually on my face or head. I ask them to aim lower but it’s so fun to make mommy sputter and spit water.

The Almost Twins are fascinated with my breasts. And who wouldn’t be? They are spectacular. Heh. They call them Boo Boos. I don’t correct them because they like to talk about my Boo Boos in public. “Mommy has Boo Boos! Haha, that’s funny!  Mommy’s Boo Boos! HAHAHAHA”The two of them laugh and laugh. My Boo Boos are hilarious.

Today at the gym they told the trainers I was going home to soak my Boo Boos. The trainers replied with  awww how cute and does your mommy have owies?

Yes, she does have owies. And Boo Boos.  Thankfully the Boo Boos aren’t in pain. But they are giving me some trouble. I had a mammogram that showed an area of concern, so I go on Monday for futher testing. Hopefully it’s nothing.  Hopefully this is routine. I’ll keep you posted.

In just a few weeks I will have two 3 year olds. In the pic they are hugging it out with much joy because my mother gave them “PongeBob Padamas.”  Both of them have a serious case of hat head because we’ve gotten out the winter hats and of course we have to wear them all day! While naked. And running through the bubble machine.

The bubble machine is quite the handy babysitter. I can get a load of laundry done before it needs another soap refill. I don’t care what it does to the carpeting. The carpeting was a goner from the first day we brought home the first baby and she barfed all over the place.  That’s what rug cleaners are for. Or what they would be for if we had time to use the damn thing. Eh, we’ll get new carpeting when they’re older.

It’s a fun house. It became a fun house once I found the balance between their time and me time. It took me a few years of motherhood, but I learned every mom needs to take time for herself every single day. It’s not easy, but once you find that balance there’s more space in your brain to dedicate to slowing down, letting go, and having a good time.

They’re worth it! AND SO ARE YOU!!