If anyone out there wonders if I really could host a motherhood show on television, I have to ask who better to host a show than a mom who is constantly facing unusual parenting challenges? No, seriously. What is up with that?
I had found an affordable summer camp type experience that would work for our entire family. We rented a two bedroom cabin on a lake in the middle of nowhere. Correction- the middle of a part of the country where people fly flags that clearly advertise only Caucasians are welcome. Whenever I get stuck in city traffic and start to glamorize the middle of nowhere, I need to remind myself that glamorous middle of nowhere is only affordable with Ted Turner ranch owning money. I’m sure Mr. Turner doesn’t have billboards near his property with anonymous hotline numbers to call in case you suspect your neighbor is a meth dealer.
Once on the actual camp property things changed dramatically. The site was clean and scenic and we felt welcome and at home. We quickly signed up for the numerous activities offered to make families forget the lack of televisions and phones available on the property. We then went to our cabin and Matt unloaded the car while the girls and I explored each room. The drapes had been closed and I threw them open enthusiastically to show the girls the gorgeous lake view.
That’s when things went horribly, terribly wrong.
I’ve told you before that in the China adoption community ladybugs are a sign of good luck. Families up next for their referral often spot ladybugs in the oddest of places and they feel it’s a sign that they’ll soon meet the child that waits for them in China. It happened to me and I thought my referral was months away. That day there was a ladybug on my windshield and I laughed and told her to fly to another family. It wasn’t our turn! An hour later I got that unexpected and memorable phone call that we had a new daughter. Ladybugs have become a good luck symbol in our family. Miss Boo has numerous ladybug themed books. When she asked if she could bring The Grouchy Ladybug by Eric Carle to the cabin, I said sure, why not pack other ladybugs books and we’ll make it a nightly reading theme.
Yeah, why didn’t I tell her to bring the one about the family that wins the lottery?
One ladybug crawling across your window is cute. Throwing open window drapes in your vacation cabin to reveal hundreds of ladybugs crawling all over the window is just creepy. And it wasn’t in just one of the rooms. Oh no. Each window in the cabin was covered in ladybugs. So were the tables. So were the chairs. So were the bathroom mirrors. Our cabin was literally crawling with ladybugs.
The girls freaked. The ladybugs were flying around, dive bombing against the windows, hitting us in the face, landing on our arms and scurrying everywhere we looked. They were especially attracted to little Avie who would scream at the top of her lungs, “GET IT OFF ME! AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I WANT TO GO HOME! I WANT TO GO HOME!!!”
A call to the lodge revealed the property had been invaded with ladybugs and there was nothing they could do. I tried to explain to the girls that ladybugs don’t bite, we were in the country, and let’s make the most of the experience, ok? Hey, let’s go wander the camp grounds and see what we can find!
We ended up in an indoor rec center that had a full size basketball court. The lights had been off and were the kind that take a bit of time to warm up. I flicked on the switch and let the girls in and they ran around chasing basketballs in the dim light. Miss Boo soon asked, “Why is this floor so crunchy?” That’s when the lights came on full force to reveal the gym floor was completely from one end to the other in dead ladybugs. Once again the girls began freaking out and we quickly left with them saying, “I don’t like this place. I don’t like dead ladybugs! I WANT TO GO HOME!”
I suggested we play outside of the cabin. The girls loved that idea and ran around and giggled and chased one another. It went perfectly until a strong wind came out of nowhere, sending down a shower of dead ladybugs from the cabin’s roof. I stood there feeling perhaps like Carrie did in the scene when the bucket of blood poured over her head. I watched helplessly as the carcasses of dead ladybugs covered my children and I felt dried up little ladybugs bounce off the top of my head.
Now, who would you rather have hosting a mom show on cable television? The perfectly put together mom that doesn’t exist or the mom picking dead ladybugs out of her horrified children’s hair as she says, “Remember when you travel with young children to pack your patience and expect the unexpected. Excuse me one second, I need to spit out the dead ladybug village that just blew into my mouth.”
Oh but it’s not truly a family vacation until somebody breaks a bone. There was a playground by the lake and JunaBug was swinging and pitched forward right onto her shoulder and broke her clavicle. Of course that had to happen in the middle of nowhere, miles from medical help. Her arm is in a sling and it will take a few weeks to heal. What a fun souvenir from your family vacation!
BUT sometime between the the ladybugs and the broken clavicle, the girls rode horses, they played mini golf, we made ceramics, we roasted marshmallows around a campfire, and we took a boat ride on the lake in sunny 75 degree weather.
It was, like all aspects of the motherhood experience, a challenging but rewarding experience. Until the broken clavicle. Then it just plain sucked. It’s our first broken bone, which completely broke my heart. No mom can stand to see her child in pain.
Ahhh but like how it always goes with me, out of the darkness came inspiration. While driving back to the city I came up with my next family television TV show idea. Thanks to that whacked out family vacation, the show treatment pretty much wrote itself!
Spring Break? More like Spring Broken. We’ll try again next year.
It’s a bag from a festival in Hong Kong that celebrates buns. And not buns as in cute butts. The Hong Kong Hot Buns festival coming soon to Pay Per View!